fuck my job

Because I have been labeled hilarious, my bosses want me to come up with some cutesy lines for the mail order inserts. Here is what I have:

"Private studies have disproved the link between ear cancer and purchasing music. So go ahead, live it up!" - A scientist, wearing a lab coat

"One time I was in a car wreck, nothing bad--but my CDs were ruined! I'm glad I bought several copies of everything from YepRoc as backups." - Person with common sense

"It makes my whole day great when I know my order will be there when I get home." - Person whose optimism and enthusiasm will lead to job promotions, attracting attractive lovers, and gravitating circles of admirers at parties

"A day in prison goes by so much faster when you get mail and when you can listen to music. YepRoc does both" - Person who made some mistakes in the past, but is determined to do things right from now on