Loblolly Love

I promised a pollen photo “montage” so I took my happy booty out this weekend and took a few pictures to share in the hopes my complaints about our springtime pollen would sink in. (Mrs. R…..I love you so ignore the pretty spring flowers in the background and concentrate on those Calvin and Hobbs snowmen.) In order to best understand just how thick the pollen accumulation gets, I must first introduce you to the dreaded loblolly pine trees I was lovingly referring to last week.

Here we have a photo taken from my backyard. This photo shows two of the title holding champion producers of pollen. Note: Those tiny little “blobs” that look like miniature pinecones? Their not – they’re what are called “pollen cones”. Yup – nothin’ but pretty yellow baby-fine powder up there just waiting to rain down on unsuspecting civilians.

Here is a close up of a pollen cone:

And here is what a tree looks like once the pollen cones have burst:

I LOVE YELLOW!!!!

Moving on, folks.

Wandering outside with my camera in hand in the hopes of providing the best representation of the demonic fertilization technique through photographic example possible, my neighbor and kindred spirit, Magillicutty, threw open her screened door and beckoned me across the street with an ice cold beer. How does one resist that kind of temptation?

Cold beer in hand, I explained to my friend the photos I was in the process of putting together to include on my blog. “No problem! Just snap a couple of pictures here on my screened in porch and then we’ll have another cold one!”

Well okay then, buddy, consider it done!

Here we see Magill’s antique bureau. Note the circle in the bottom left-hand corner; that is where her coasters normally reside. I removed them to show you the effects on non-human entities as well. Isn’t that an exquisite shade of sulfur?

Here we have an example of a “butt print”. Thank goodness pollen washes out easily!

My plants at home look just a yummy and they’re not even outside!

And here we have my car. I love my car. I love my car so much I named him. His name is Gawaine. Gawaine looks like he needs a bath. But wait, he received one an hour before this picture was taken in the hopes of looking his best. ONE HOUR! (You can even see where the pollen dried with the droplets of water left over from his rinsing.)

Yes this is why I love springtime. Not the lovely flowers you catch glimpses of in the background of the photos above. Not the sunshine and lazy days we take advantage of every weekend. It’s the pollen; the repugnance that arises like the sun at dawn. The joy of Swifer as the cost of their stock continues to rise. It’s not love in our air, friends….it’s pollen.