Why Irish Mommies Drink Heavily On St. Paddy's Day...

(Conversation with Spawnette this morning)



6:30 a.m.

Honey, it’s time to get up.

mwphf

Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee?

mwphrlb

‘Kay, be right back.



6:33 a.m.

Here’s your coffee Sweet Pea, I’ll check on you in a few.

GUMPH



6:47 a.m.

Honey, you really need to get a move on it, okay?

(Linda Blair shoots up into a sitting position spewing forth…)

I HEARD you the FIRST time!



6:53 a.m.

(I notice there still is no light streaming from under her bedroom door.)

(I softly tap on the door.)

(In a whisper…..)

You up yet?

YES!!!!!



7:02 a.m.

(I slam the door open and flip on the light yelling….)

Grandma’s here to take you to school; I gotta go!

WHERE’S MY BAG????

What bag?

MY BACKPACK!!!!

Where did you see it last?

FRIDAY!!!!

No “where” did you see it last?

I DON’T KNOW!!!!

Hold on, I bet you left it in the car.

I TOLD “HIM” TO HELP ME CARRY MY STUFF IN AND HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING!!!!

(I return in two minutes)

Here it is.

WHERE’S MY BAG????

Right there.

NOT THAT ONE, MOM!!!!

What bag?

MY SOFTBALL BAG!!!! I NEED IT FOR THE GAME TONIGHT!!!!

What game?

MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! WE HAVE A GAME AT 4:00!!!!

On the 24th, Honey, not today.

MOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!! IT’S A MAKE-UP GAME!!!!

When did you find this out?

LAST WEEK!!!!

(Deep sigh)

Honey, I really need to go.

I HAVE TO HAVE MY BAG!!!! COACH WILL BE SOOOOOO MAD IF I DON’T HAVE MY BAG!!!!

(Leaning over and grasping the handle of the bag lying at my feet…)

This one?

YESSSS!!!! WHERE WAS IT?!?!?!

Some troll-like creature that goes by the name of Gork slipped into the house last night with the sole purpose of reeking havoc on your perfectly organized morning routine. Don’t worry Honey; Mommy will let him sneak in the house tonight then kick his ever-lovin’ dimply ass for disrupting everything perfect and orderly here in your room.

Mom…..you really need to go.