i hate rich eisen

I hate him because he made me trust him, he saw through me and i still get butterflies when i see him. i hate him because i love him and he has never loved me. i hate him because he's a liar and because i will never know the truth. i hate him because after almost a year i still wish he would like me so bad it hurts. i hate him because he has probably never even thought about me. i hate him because i spent four hours working on a valentine for him last year and he didn't get me shit! instead he went on a four day v-day weekend getaway with that whore wife of his. i hate him because i believed him EVERYTIME he said nothing happened. i hate him for falling in love with mooch and marshall but not me. i hate him for making me feel worthless. i hate him for haunting me. i hate him for disappearing. i hate that i cannot talk to him anymore. i hate that i still want to talk to him. i hate what he said about my sister. i hate how he told all my secrets to anyone who would listen. i hate that he passed out pictures of me dressed up as courtney love for halloween to jamie and rod. i hate his fucked up selfish prick way of looking at things. i hate how he thought he could buy me things and make it okay. i hate how he made me pay for his food all the time. i hate how he messed with my mind. i hate how i was nothing to him and he was my world. i hate him because he brought out the worst in me. i hate that i still dream about him. i hate that i close my eyes and pretend my girlfriend's voice is his. i hate how dirty that makes me feel. i hate being so confused. i hate that the only person that can help me become un-confused is him. i hate that i don't care that he lied to me. i hate that stupid femme music he liked ( i.e. james blunt, the fray, teddy G, ect.). I especially hate that the femme music still makes me cry. i hate that he has the entire collection of al green--so now al green makes me think of him. i hate that now that i am being treated like i should be treated i am thinking of the one who treated me the worst. i hate how helpless he made me. i hate those dreams i have about him. i hate him for making me feel ugly and undeserving. I hate that i love and need to talk about him. i hate that he's fucking adorable. i hate that for the rest of my life i have to remember him as my first love. I hate him!!!!

;_;